THERAPY FOR GRIEF & LOSS IN ORANGE COUNTY, LONG BEACH & ONLINE IN CALIFORNIA
You’re wondering where the ‘good grief’ is because your grief feels hard and lonely.
In therapy, you can walk through the painful layers of loss so that you can, in time, find a new, integrated and even hopeful path forward.
Perhaps your loss was recent or perhaps it was years ago. Perhaps it’s tucked away or maybe it’s overwhelming. Regardless, it’s hard.
Grief describes the process we go through when we process any kind of loss.
While it could be a death, it could be a divorce, a job loss, loss of health, a move or any other loss. When there’s change, there’s loss. And if present losses bring up past losses, then it’s ‘complicated grief.’ For example, the death of someone’s father could bring up unresolved feelings related to their parent’s divorce.
Grief, with all of its various facets, is a cascade of complicated feelings of shock, disorientation, anger, regret, helplessness, fear, loneliness, sadness and despair. In the aftermath of a loss relationships can be strained or broken. We’re left with unanswerable questions. Grief exposes the gaping hole within that loss leaves.
Given that grief isn’t easy and doesn’t feel good, it is no surprise that we tend to avoid it.
Eating more chips or scrolling mindlessly on our devices sounds like an appealing option, and occasional distractions aren’t a problem. The problem, culturally and usually personally, is our default, conditioned avoidance. The cost of this unconscious avoidance is high. Unprocessed grief contributes to the development of numerous mental health and relationship issues, including depression, anxiety, rage, and avoidant behaviors such as addictions, eating disorders, and distancing or difficult relationship patterns.
While grief has some commonly recognized stages, it isn’t a linear or predictable process.
Our needs will vary from day to day, month to month, and our needs will differ from those of others. Perhaps one partner wants to talk a lot; the other wants to be alone in nature.
Sometimes we judge ourselves or are judged by others for how we’re grieving (or not). We feel pressure to be done grieving, to get back to work and move on. Or, we worry that maybe we really didn’t love well if we’re not grieving like we think we should. Or we feel guilty if we feel good.
Navigating challenges such as a loss
is a life-long learning process.
Beginning in childhood, we need to learn to successfully navigate big feelings. However, many of us didn’t. Perhaps in our families and/or communities, feelings were minimized, or explosive and frightening. If that was the case, then, in adulthood, we’ll lack the self-awareness, skills, or support to process significant losses.
We invite you to compassionately honor your grief process and be gentle with yourself. Grief is hard, and you are doing the best you can for today.
We can’t choose what losses we have, but we can choose how we navigate them.
With time, support and action steps, you can learn to move with your grief in ways that bring healing, help you to grow, love and risk again.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you’ll learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
The witness of another safe person to the story of your loss is profoundly grounding and healing.
Unpacking the depth of your grief in an unhurried and focused manner can help you understand and appreciate your story and your needs. Sometimes grief is related to traumatic losses, and the skills of processing trauma will help you as you grieve.
People of faith, sometimes minimize grief with religious platitudes.
But, in the biblical tradition, the tradition of lament is a framework developed to hold our grieve. A lament is a prayer or action that expresses sorrow, pain, struggle and/or confusion. Just as grief is important to our mental (and physical) health, so lament is important to our spiritual health. It is an invitation to whole-hearted, deep spirituality. In a lament, we bring the depths of ourselves (thoughts and feelings) into conversation with God. We have a heart-to-heart, sometimes difficult conversation with the God who wants us to experience Him holding our deep thoughts and feelings.
Whatever your need, we want to support you in your grief. We invite you to connect with a therapist.
Is this your time to heal and grow?
If so, let’s connect!
Find your therapist.
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